As the old adage goes, “You can’t make the best damn satirical publication on campus without an ass-ton of staff,” and boy howdy, do we fit those requirements.

Valued Staff

Bridget “I Sometimes Just Gallivant Off To Asia” N.

Grant “The Man’s Man, Who Fucks People Up Re: Mirrors” F.

Colleen “The Editor’s Editor, Who Also Can’t Spell My Own Last Name, But That’s Okay Because No One Can” K.

Makayla “My Ears Hurt When I Edit The Podcasts And Have To Deal With Slug Noises And Grant Deep-Throating The Mic” D.

Aleah “I’m The Newest Colonelist Of All Yet Somehow Already Hella Rad” C.

Willy “I Haven’t Shown Up For A Meeting In Thirty Weeks” R.

Ryan “Probably High Right This Second” P.

Adam “Political Pokemon” C.

Samantha “Depressive Goblin Nightmare Fellow” H.

Sam “Impressively Realistic Bird Sounds” F.

Sara “Birthday Num Nums” L.

Olivia “The Cause Of The Slug Noises And Also All The Printerotica Sound Effects And Also Lots Of Miscellaneous Slurping” W.

Olivia “Hell Lord” H.

Sydney “Foreign Correspondent” L.

Zoe “Glitter Clit” D.

Patrick “The Tall One Who Owns A Butt-Ton Of Hats” C.

Madeline “The Short One Who Likes Bees And Also Humans” A.

Hallie “I Consistently Have Amazingly Colorful Hair And An Amazingly Colorful Laugh” B.

Casey “I Wrote The Horoscopes About Salting Your Roommate’s Tampons” N.

Nathan “I Don’t Work Here But I’m Still On The Staff Page” P.

David “I Hate All Of You And Also Don’t Work Here Anymore” C.

Nicole “I (Re-)Started It All And Thank God We Got Rid Of Literally All Of The Original Staff” S.

Atanas “I Helped Nicole Start It All But Mostly I Just Provided The Bulgarian Accent” G.

Unvalued Staff

Jeff.*

 

 

 

*What an asshole.