The following are three journal entries from the group of rangers behind the Alternative National Park Service. These entries are the only remaining evidence that these brave people existed, for their bodies, homes, and families have been erased from history during Trump’s latest attack on valid information that doesn’t benefit business. Jan 24, 2017 Day… Read More Park Ranger Diaries
Displayed is Sanders’ new “A Future to Believe In” slogan. This is representative of his new time-traveling campaign direction. Even though Trump technically “won” the election, the fact of the matter is: Bernie Sanders still has a chance. Some scientists think that work on a time machine will be complete within the next month,… Read More Does Bernie Sanders Still Have a Chance?
Donald Trump has always been very confident in his ability to pick good advisors in all areas of public policy. His repeated mantra that he will undoubtedly hire “the best, just the best, really tremendous people, I’ll tell ya folks,” has been one of the biggest draws for supporters, and one of their… Read More Trump Actually Finds Best People
In a completely unprecedented turn of events, Barack Obama, the previously lame-duck 44th President, has declared himself to be the first-ever “Dictator-for-Life” of the United States of America. “Welp,” said Obama in a private press conference while drinking a smoothie made of the blood of 83 Republicans, “the thing is, did people expect me to… Read More Obama Says, “What the Hell,” Appoints Himself U.S. Dictator-for-Life
The recent lack of adequate autism vaccinations among the student body has caused several unexpected diseases to break out on campus this year. Measles and mumps both spread across campus like a tidal wave, albeit a tidal wave that would have been completely preventable had a sufficient number of us listened to modern science. But… Read More A BAD CASE OF TRUMPS: Disease Identification And Prevention
FRANKFORT, KY — Hello there, fellow Kentuckians. As some of you may have heard, I’m your Governor now. I’d like to thank the hundreds tens ones of supporters who showed up to vote me into office. Now, I’ve heard there have been some rumors stirring among you unwashed masses about how I was elected with… Read More Bevin: “STOP BEING POOR”
Recent advances in the field of genealogy have provided overwhelming evidence that shows Bernie Sanders, presidential candidate, was switched at birth with Clarence Edward Sanders, the alleged younger brother of Harland “Colonel” Sanders. Colonel reporters recently interviewed Makupa Histrie, one of the genealogy interns involved in the Sanders Project. “Well, the evidence we’ve found so… Read More When Genealogists Found This Searching Bernie Sanders’ Family History… They Couldn’t Believe Their Family Tree! Number Eleven Will Shock, Amaze, and PENETRATE Your BRAIN!!!
WASHINGTON, D.C.- With the presidential campaign charging full steam ahead this year, most Democrats have already decided who they will be backing in the months to come. Some voters will “Feel the Bern” and others will insist you “Get your Clint-on,” but many are left wondering whether or not another candidate may throw his hat… Read More Can Biden Still Run?
Hillary Clinton, as you all know, likes to keep it real with her posse. In fact, she is so hip and down with it that she was brainstorming some hella fleek ideas while chilling with her goon squad last night. We managed to sneak a peek at her swaggin’ to-do list: 1. Whip 2. Neigh-neigh… Read More Hillary’s Hoppin’ To-Do List
FRANKFORT, KY– This November, Kentuckians turned out to polls in the thousands hundreds ones in order to elect the next governor of Kentucky. This surging trickle of voters eager to actually participate in the democratic process chose Matt Bevin as Kentucky’s newest governor. Yes, out of the three candidates of Matt Bevin, Jack Conway, and… Read More Bevin Wins Governor’s Race, Fixes Kentucky