University “Finishes” “”Buildings””

            This semester has started off spectacularly for the University administration, as new buildings have been opened up and new building names have been rolled out all over campus. At the beginning of August, the UK administration sent out an email to all students, confounding many with their statement:

“UK welcomes you back to a campus with many bold new changes. We have several brand new buildings “opening,” such as the recently “finished” Academic Sciences Building, and “completed” Limestone Park dorms. We are also proud to have opened so many “new” dorms, including Donovan Hall, Holmes Hall, and Blazer Hall. These are the same buildings they were before, but — with new, improved names — you can “enjoy” them in a completely new way.

             As UK students and faculty returned to campus, it became clear to most students that the terms “open,” “finish,” and “completed” have distinctly different meanings than “”open””, “”finished””, and “”completed.”” The quoted words seem to indicate a modern, bare-bones approach to traditional construction, which includes drywall, exposed beams, plywood-walled elevators, and incomplete electrical wiring round out an overarching  design decision that feels courageous and exciting, though it is certainly unusual for most students.              

UK Projects and Planning director Annie Wellwether released another statement this week, further detailing UK’s construction plan:

“We here at the University, want to ensure a positive, and lucrative experience for all of our students and faculty. So, we allowed the inspiration which visited us during the summer to shape the new look of campus. I for one just adore how chic and modern those green tarps look draped all over our newest buildings,not to mention how the dirt floor of the Academic Sciences Building looks totally intentional — and hip, now that we added those tiny plants.”

Ms. Wellwether then tilted her head to the side, smiling widely and without blinking until her assistant picked her up and carried her away. University administration released a statement assuring students that Ms. Wellwether is correct: the incomplete appearance of the buildings across campus is a totally intentional design decision.

              Similarly, the University definition of ““new”” buildings seems to actually mean “quite close to many old things,” something which has confused those students who were used to the older names and are confused by the changes. This confusion is growing, instead of accomplishing whatever the university was intending when it renamed Blazer Hall to Blazer Dining, and christened a new Blazer Hall. Right next to the first one.Though the name changes have already began misleading both upper and lowerclassmen, and the contemporary designs might lead to rickety, temporary buildings, we can all rest easy knowing that our tuition money is at least wasted in a stylish manner.



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