Local junior Chad Frathole spent entirely too much time today trying to find the perfect color to show off the most possible sweat during his workout today. His concerned roommate informed our reporters early this afternoon that Frathole spent a solid thirty minutes rifling through his t-shirt drawer before going to the gym.
“He kept pulling out a shirt and examining it, then putting it back. He was muttering stuff about it not being the right color or something. I don’t know, man. It was weird,” said roommate Dick Hull.
When asked to comment on these allegations, Frathole responded simply yet eloquently. “Well, y’know, I was looking for that perfect gray to show off the most sweat during my workout,” Frathole mused as he walked to the Johnson Center. “It has to be a very light color, but white is all wrong. So my Hollister/Abercrombie/Aeropostale combo shirt is definitely the best one I own. It’s the perfect light gray.”
Frathole chuckled at the stupidity of lesser mortals’ choices in workout clothes. “Y’know, some of these guys cut the sleeves off of their shirts! They’ll even make the sides almost completely open! That’s a lot of valuable surface area that could be soaked in sweat.” When asked what could possibly be wrong with less sweat being displayed, Frathole expounded, “I have to show off how much effort I put into my workout, ya know. Gotta show my dominance on the weight floor.”
We followed Frathole into the gym to observe his workout. As he almost-effortlessly deadlifted ten pounds, our reporters could not even get near enough to the sweat-soaked weightlifter to interview him further, as the sight of so much sweat immediately summoned every female within a fifty-foot radius to fawn and swoon over the burly Frathole.
By Rosalind Lamb