[LOCATION GOES HERE]- In the latest missive sent from King George III by way of Royal Navy fleet, members of these thirteen colonies discovered that the shit of Patriots shall henceforth be taxed by the pound. Loyalist shit, decreed the King, is good and pure, and needs not be taxed in this way, but the… Read More King George Decides To Tax Patriots’ Shits
COLONEL STUDIOS, LEXINGTON, KY- Turning in an article literal months past the date he said he would write it, one local journalist is complete shit and slid a barely-completed article full of typos under our editing room door, apparently under the impression that this would be received with gratitude and applause. The terrible writer’s beautiful… Read More Local Writer Procrastinates Until News Story No Longer Relevant
LEXINGTON, KY- Local junior Chad Frathole spent entirely too much time today trying to find the perfect color to show off the most possible sweat during his workout today. His concerned roommate informed our reporters early this afternoon that Frathole spent a solid thirty minutes rifling through his t-shirt drawer before going to the gym.… Read More Student Sweats the Small Stuff
MAMMOTH CAVE, KY- Last September, the momentous discoveries of Homo Naledi and Australopithecus Sediba rocked the anthropological world. However, a recent discovery by Paleoanthropologist Mitch Michaels has blown anthropologists away. Homo Naledi, recently thought to be our first ancestor of the genus Homo, has been replaced by Michaels’ new discovery. As evidenced by several fossilized… Read More New Origins of Humanity Revealed
