XILBAR EMPIRE, QUANLORIAN DISTRICT, SECTOR 5.6-
Anyone who’s spent a lot of time online can confirm that there are some pretty strange questions on the question site Yahoo! Answers. The website is home to such hard-hitting and complex questions as: “My bro has not got his first period yet ? takes longer because he’s a boy?” [sic], “why does my arm shake and turn bright red when im eating dirt?” [sic], and “why does my cat ‘vibrate’?”
Such inquiries are rarely given much thought by those who provide answers on the site, but it seems that there may, in fact, be a reason to start taking those strange questions a bit more seriously.
Earlier this month, one regular user of the site came forward with a shocking announcement. User OrangeJHX4 isn’t, as they pretended to be, a confused 10-year-old girl with a limited understanding of the world. Rather, they are a confused, intergalactic spy with a limited understanding of the world as we know it.
OrangeJHX4’s announcement came almost immediately after posting the question “What is Orange? Nutrient orb or imaginary visual perception?”
Several other users on the site called out OrangeJHX4 as a “troll”, and questioned whether they were color-blind. After this grievous backlash, OrangeJHX4 posted a link to a YouTube video of themself, a 7-foot-tall creature with grey, leathery skin.
In this video, they admitted to being an intergalactic superspy. “I’m an agent of the Xilbar Galactic Empire,” OrangeJHX4 confessed. “My job is to learn about your culture and prepare you to fall during the impending invasion of your planet by our great Galactic Empire,” they elaborated.
“The internet was all our doing,” OrangeJHX4 reports, apparently very proud, although it can be hard to tell with an alien whose facial features appear to be upside-down and who speaks only in heavily accented Swahili. OrangeJHX4 refused to disclose the exact date of the impending invasion of Earth by the Xilbar Galactic Empire, but they did admit that, on the plus side, we probably don’t have to worry about climate change anymore.
Comments on OrangeJHX4’s video have expressed a wide variety of thoughts on the matter. Online conspiracy theorists have already released fifteen feature-length documentaries using OrangeJHX4’s video as evidence for a variety of claims.
Many active Yahoo! Answers users stumbled upon the video almost by accident, as they were linked to it from the “What is Orange?” question page. Several of these viewers have begun commenting on the YouTube video, incredulously crowing “this explains so much,” and “zomg, how many eyes does that thing have?!?!” [sic].
OrangeJHX4 has replied to thousands of these comments individually, thanking the users who provided the Xilbar Galactic Empire with crucial information about humanity.
Thankfully for all the apathetic, power-hungry world leaders out there, nobody really expects any nation’s government to prepare for the imminent invasion of Earth, as most commenters have decided to regard the Xilbar Galactic Empire and OrangeJHX4’s video confession as a hoax.
OrangeJHX4 has yet to respond to these allegations.
By: Nadia Geddit