Editorial From Reverend Yellerond “Yelly” McGee

Good day to you. My name is Reverend Yellerond McGee, but you can call me Yelly.

I’ve seen you around campus—I don’t know if you’ve noticed me, but I’m the one with the loudspeaker, the 1/10-scale Model of Hell, and the bucket of Christ’s blood with which to spatter the Heathens. You see, I usually preach at the hell-bent from the campus sidewalk, but it really seems like my preaching hasn’t been getting through to you. I thought I’d better get down on your level and just have a nice, quiet chat with you about why you are an abomination and why Jesus hates you.

I know that at this vile University of Sin they teach the dark doctrines of Mathematicks, Science, and Logick, so I’ll delineate the exact reasons for your impending doom in a way that even your tiny brain can understand:

1. You’re a whore

2. You’re a slut

3. You’re a slore (new whore/slut hybrid that I just made up that describes you exactly)

4. You’re a whoremonger (separate thing from a whore)

5. You’re a fishmonger (the Devil’s occupation)

6. You’re Whorrrrrrrrrribble. Haha, sorry, that one was just a joke. But, now that I think of it, it is true. You know, Jesus is okay with jokes sometimes. He even tells a few in the Bible. For example, in this one part, he says that God loves everyone. Ha! What a ridiculous notion. He doesn’t love you; you’re a whore.

In conclusion: Do better.

Sincerely,
Reverend Yelly McGee
As quietly told to Petunia Frisbie, while she was minding her own business and (probably sluttily) walking back from Calculus 

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