Capilouto Eliminates Tuition For All Students

LEXINGTON, KY–

Haha, just kidding. That didn’t really happen. I just wanted to get people to read my article, and you were gullible enough to fall for it. It’s people like you that keep people like me in the business. So I thank you for your infallible stupidity. Now I’m just going to throw some more words down to make this look like an actual article to trick some more naïve hooligans. Classic journalist tactic.

But now I’m confused; you’re still reading this article. Why are you so childlike and trusting that you don’t realize that this whole article is a trick? I mean, I already told you that nothing exciting is going to happen; there’s no prize for reading the whole thing. Maybe you’ll say to your friends later, “I was so gullible that I wasted five minutes of my precious time reading a pointless article.” They’ll be impressed, but not in a good way. There are other magnificent articles on The Colonel’s website that you can read, so just read those. Mine isn’t even entertaining. You laughed at yourself a little when you realized how gullible you were, but now you’re just annoyed that I keep calling you stupid.

Go, get out! You’re like those degenerates who read the nutrition info labels just because they’re bored and there are words in front of them. Do something useful with your life! Do your schoolwork, go for a jog, clean up the mass of dead puppies in your dorm, do literally anything other than reading this article! Sheesh! Some people just have nothing better to do with their time than staring at a large page with words on it and pretending that there is meaning behind it all, but there isn’t. You’re deluding yourself. Just like the time that you thought you could get out of having any 8 AM classes. That just doesn’t happen.

Well, we’re nearing the sufficient length for an article. You’re an idiot, but I love you for it. I almost feel bad about tricking you, but I don’t. You just proved that you would literally read anything I wrote as long as it has an important-looking title. So much for not judging a book by its cover. Whatever. Just go jump in a lake; the world would be better off without you.

By Elaborate Buddhism

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