University of Kentucky To Add MRS Program

Last week, the University of Kentucky announced its newest program, designed to prepare many of UK’s lovely ladies for the long-term position of their dreams: wife. According to the Dean of Students, the program is meant to meet the needs of a surprisingly large demographic of UK students, providing a set coursework with two major pathways in order to best prepare women for their brilliant futures as wives.


Despite an initial fear of controversy, the university has received an overwhelmingly positive response from the UK student body, which appears to be ecstatic that such a reality has finally been addressed. One UK student, a female interior design major, told the Colonel, “I’m so happy a program is finally being offered that meets my long-term goals. I mean, sure, I want to do interior design, but more importantly, I want a family. This program prepares me for that, and helps me be more competitive when looking to find a husband and start a family.”


After much deliberation, the curriculum of the program has been shaped into two pathways—housewife and trophy wife. Between these two programs, the university hopes to meet the needs of all the women involved in the program, and hopes to produce female graduates that head out into society with the most competitive résumé, as competition in this field is cutthroat.


“Both programs build their curriculum around their own MRS principles,” said Edgar Patton, a professor specializing in the MRS degree courseload. “The first pathway, housewife, adheres to the principles of Maintenance, Reform, and Service.” According to Patton, Maintenance focuses on maintaining the home, including curriculum based mostly in seminars meant to train students in basic skills like sewing, cooking, and interior decorating, as well as a few introductory courses in first aid, while Reform focuses on reforming appearance, and trains students to take tasteful pictures, choose appropriate attire, and speak with maturity. Service, Patton informed us, focuses on serving both the family and the community, teaching students how to work with the PTA and organize fundraisers via a series of lectures and fundraising-oriented organizations, as well as integrating a community service requirement.


The second pathway, trophy wife, follows the principles of Money, Relations, and, perhaps most importantly, Sex. “Money focuses on both money management and consumer studies in order to know what is “in” and what is “out”, training students through unique Gatton courses to make them the best shopper possible,” said Economics professor Jillian Snow. Relations, however, focuses more on success in the social scene and includes curriculum that features sociology classes as well as a wide variety of introductory courses in order to give students a diverse gamut of knowledge—but only enough to make small talk on the topic rather than requiring any actual comprehension, of course. “We’re hoping for a level of understanding similar to that of most news anchors,” said Patton. Sex, of course, focuses mostly on pleasing the husband, as well as focusing on the students’ physical appearance, featuring a unique curriculum of gender studies, anatomy, psychology, and seminars on literature as advanced as not only Cosmopolitan magazine, but also the Kama Sutra.


Of course, the program offers much more than classes and curriculum. The MRS program has its own opportunities and requirements, as well as those specific to each pathway, Housewife or Trophy Wife. Every member of the program is required to be a member of a sorority, with a letter of recommendation from the standards board, house mother, or Panhellenic in order to apply. “While there are no major requirements, certain majors, like nursing, fine arts, theatre, education, and interior design, are projected to be more popular within the program,” said Patton. “The University of Kentucky is very excited to introduce this program, and hopes it will truly help women achieve more with a program designed specifically with their needs in mind,” Patton concluded in his presentation of this new and exciting university program. The MRS Program will be launched in the spring of 2015.


Byline: Cory Munth

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