Newly Purchased Box of Franzia Possesses Neither A Touch of Fine Wood, Nor Lingering Hints of Red Berries

Purchased earlier today, the box of Franzia Sunset Blush wine also does not release a fragrant aroma of dark cherries or offer a pleasant aftertaste of licorice. In addition, an exquisite balance of black currant flavors and toasted tobacco is not there to tempt the palette. The most delectable, freshest mountain blackberries were not infused into the flavor during the fermentation of the wine, nor were roasted coconut macaroons, nor were semi-sweet tropical undertones. The results is a taste which is most definitely not rated by a variety of connoisseurs to be compellingly, addictively delicious (while being dry and voluptuous at the same time).  Additionally, almost absolutely no one is raving about its grace, refinement, richness, or complexity. However, as of press time, the Franzia was proclaimed to be “not bad at all; let’s get schmwasted.”

by Kevin Elpenor

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