Ah, Valentine’s Day, your old foe. “Vendetta Day,” as you call it. The last time you received a card and chocolate from the opposite gender was during a mandatory fourth grade party. Last year on Valentine’s Day you munched on Taco Bell and watched Star Wars – which was a pretty good day in your book.
You try to forget what Cosmo or Askmen.com says about Valentine’s Day. You know romantic movies, pornography, chocolates, and a night out with girls will only cause you to acknowledge the existence of the so-said holiday. You’ve been told to remember that it’s just some dumb day Hallmark and Kay Jewelers tries to bank on.
But then you feel your life is questionable when you discover even White Castle ups the ante and gets fancy on Valentine’s Day. You just want to get through this holiday alive.
Fret no more, my friend! I am here to give you advice on how to survive Valentine’s Day! This year you will treat February 14th just like any regular day of the year. Here’s my helpful advice on getting through this ratcheted, ungodly day of remembering you’re single:
• The day before Valentine’s Day, set your alarm to get up on time for class.
• Get up! Start getting ready! Comb your hair, brush your teeth, and get dressed!
• Go to class
• Breathing is a crucial step when it comes to survival, so routinely breathe.
• Get your judgment on and log onto Facebook for a couple of hours
• Fire up Netflix
• Oh look! Walking Dead
• Check time…
Congratulations! It’s 12:19 on February 15! You’ve survived yet another Valentine’s Day!
By Emily Norcross