In the most newsworthy event of the past 50 days, the UK Colonel has been informed that a smallish brown squirrel made extensive eye contact with a student earlier today. The student, sophomore Bill Fredricks, claimed that the interaction started as he was walking out of the Classroom Building heading toward William T. Young Library. As he was about to look down at his phone and open up a text message, he noticed the rodent staring him down from the base of a nearby tree. Fredricks and the squirrel reportedly gazed into each other’s eyes for a solid seven seconds before the critter scurried away.
In related news, Fredricks has been called out for fabricating this whole story; he will be holding a press conference later tonight during which he is expected to admit he has been lying this whole time.
By Cliff Applebottom