Why turn to Cosmo or the Kama Sutra when you have the Colonel to spice up your sex life? Here are a couple of our favorite tried-and-true sex positions to help you bring some excitement back into the bedroom: The Giraffe—You both wear high heels. For an added effect, be sure to make giraffe sounds.… Read More Spice Up Your Sex Life with the Colonel
The Kentucky General Assembly overwhelmingly adopted House Bill 7 last week, authorizing the University of Kentucky to self-finance three projects totaling $275 million. Two of these include a renovation and expansion of the Gatton College of Business and Economics, as well as construction of a new science building. However, the main project turning heads will… Read More UK To Spend $110 Million on Improving Students’ Education Experience
Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will not not catch your roommate masturbating on your bed this Wednesday. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The stars wish that they could help you out of this pile of shit you’ve gotten yourself into, but even they have a policy of never fucking with… Read More Your Weekly Horoscope
Hospitals around Lexington, Kentucky have seen a recent spike in alcohol related visits to their emergency rooms. While most Emergency Room physicians equate the rise to the return of college students after winter break, University of Kentucky athletic officials have a different idea as to the cause. Mark Stoops was hired last semester as the… Read More Recent Spike In Alcohol Poisonings Among UK Students Caused by Mark Stoops
According to the latest Pentagon report, the U.S. government is officially “definitely not interested in Afghanistan or Iraq because of oil, minerals, natural gas, dominion over the Middle East, the protection of Israeli apartheid against Palestinians, imperialism, or racism. Its internationally-illegal, genocidal occupations, it turns out, were actually, according to the report, to “promote freedom,… Read More U.S. Government Definitely Not Interested in Afghanistan, Iraq Because of Oil, Minerals, Natural Gas, Dominion Over Middle East, Protection of Israeli Apartheid, Imperialism, Racism
Last night actress and singer Jennifer Lopez was shot and killed at the Texas border. Mrs. Lopez had been in the area to shoot the highly-anticipated Gigli II: This Time We Mean Revenge… Really… For Real… We Mean It. “She was asking for it,” said officer Peter Panitsky, who shot the 43-year old mother with… Read More J. Lo. Killed by Border Patrol
Around 11:50 PM every weekday, girls residing in Donovan Hall partake in a synchronized, full-on make-out session with their departing boyfriends. Due to the number of couples partaking in passionate goodbyes, innocent onlookers often confuse this with an intentional act of unrestrained communal sensuality, an acts some call: The Donovan Orgy. Donovan Hall’s visitation hours… Read More The Donovan Orgy
The Kentucky Epsilon chapter of Phi Delta Theta announced earlier today that it will be hosting the first annual Carnival Carnival tonight. The party, which will will incorporate facets of this week’s Carnival cruise fiasco, during which the cruise ship was stranded in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico for five days and needed… Read More Phi Delta Theta Announces Carnival Cruise Theme Party
The Roman Catholic Church and practicing Catholics are in a tizzy about the selection process for next pope. Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation from papacy, due to health related complications, on Monday morning. The coveted position is currently open and the Vatican is accepting applications. The opening will be filled at the end of… Read More Holy Shit! TLC Announces New Reality Show: My Life as the Pope
Ah, Valentine’s Day, your old foe. “Vendetta Day,” as you call it. The last time you received a card and chocolate from the opposite gender was during a mandatory fourth grade party. Last year on Valentine’s Day you munched on Taco Bell and watched Star Wars – which was a pretty good day in your… Read More How to Survive Valentine’s Day
The UK Colonel 