GE Invents Automobile That Runs On Petroleum-Based Fuel

General Electric announced on Friday that it is about to unveil an automobile that will be powered by petroleum-based gasoline.  The automobile, or “car”, as it may be referred to, will hold roughly four to five people and reportedly max out at a speed of 150 miles per hour.

GE’s latest innovation will prove false skeptics who claimed that a vehicle powered by a safe, renewable fuel source was said to be years off in the future.

Sources say that by a fortunate happenstance, a team of geographers led by Dr. Geoff Clampett of the University of Texas discovered a dark crude substance gurgling out of the ground earlier this year.  Through some very clever chemistry, scientists have found a way to convert this oily dark substance into burnable fuel, using the waste and byproducts of this conversion as industrial fertilizers.

This petroleum based fuel, or “gas,” as it may be referred to in slang, will be distributed at fueling stations spread throughout the country.  These “gas stations” will be operated by attendants that will allot the amount of fuel specified by the automobile driver into the vehicle. GE said it plans to build these fueling stations shortly.

The company’s main focus so far has been to perfect a vehicle which is to powered by a renewable, abundant fuel source, such as gasoline.  Amidst the excitement of the groundbreaking news, GE would not comment on how long they have known about this source of fuel, only saying through an official spokesperson that “you should be grateful, I mean we [General Electric] only invented a totally new way of getting around, no big deal or anything.”

While it is apparent that GE’s new product will be a hit, it is not apparent how long these gas-powered cars will stick around; they seem almost too good to be true.

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