Credit Communism: Obama To Redistribute UK Students’ Credit Hours

As was feared by a multitude of Wildcats upon Obama’s re-election, the president has announced plans to redistribute students’ accumulated credit hours. The redistribution, which has been researched almost non-stop by a task force put together by Obama within days of his re-election, has been methodically analyzing the UK credit hour structure. Although unpopular among Seniors who may have to take up to an additional semester of classes to get back to the number credits they had, the plan will help out UK’s freshmen, who currently have one of the highest drop-out rates in the country. Obama also plans to redistribute alcohol and weed supplies around campus, as well as Hostess products, which “have traditionally been hoarded by approximately 1% of the campus population”. When asked whether it might not be a better idea for him to focus his time and resources on the US economic crisis, Obama responded “maybe” and began constructing a task force whose purpose it will be to answer this question.

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