Credit Communism: Obama To Redistribute UK Students’ Credit Hours

As was feared by a multitude of Wildcats upon Obama’s re-election, the president has announced plans to redistribute students’ accumulated credit hours. The redistribution, which has been researched almost non-stop by a task force put together by Obama within days of his re-election, has been methodically analyzing the UK credit hour structure. Although unpopular among… Read More Credit Communism: Obama To Redistribute UK Students’ Credit Hours

Sunday Night Football: Jerusalem Jaguars Top Gaza Patriots

After a hard-fought battle, the Jerusalem Jaguars defeated the Gaza Patriots earlier tonight, beating them 27-20 and crushing their hopes of finally prevailing in the heated rivalry. Despite a fair amount of success for the Patriots on the offensive end, the Jaguars’ staunch defense proved enough to win it in the end. The Jaguars used… Read More Sunday Night Football: Jerusalem Jaguars Top Gaza Patriots

Satirical Journalist Struggling To Come Up With Good Topic For Feature Article

Colonel contributor Atanas Golev has been struggling to come up with a quality feature article. Sources close to Golev claimed that the aspiring satirist has been experiencing a bout of writers’ block spanning approximately 40 minutes now. According to the sources, Golev has been sitting at a table at Willy T for that span of… Read More Satirical Journalist Struggling To Come Up With Good Topic For Feature Article

“K-Lair” To Be Renamed “Something Other Than Commons”

Following a month-wide study of students living in South and Central Campus, University of Kentucky Dining Services is officially on the brink of renaming campus favorite “K-Lair” to “Something Other Than Commons”. According to the study, more than 90 percent of students said that their main reason for visiting K-Lair in a hypothetical situation would… Read More “K-Lair” To Be Renamed “Something Other Than Commons”

Being Tall Might Not Be Easy, But It’s Cake Compared To Being a Tall, Rich, White Male

by Kevin Elpenor The UK Kernel came out last month claiming that being tall isn’t as easy as it seems. And while I would wholeheartedly agree with this statement, I would say that those who are simply tall have it a lot easier than a certain group of others. Being tall is certainly a hurdle… Read More Being Tall Might Not Be Easy, But It’s Cake Compared To Being a Tall, Rich, White Male