Pledges Hazed By Being Forced to Watch UK Game

A thorough report released by UK’s Intrafraternity Council earlier today claims that Pi Delta Delta fraternity pledges were hazed by being forced to attend and watch the UK football game against Mississippi State. The 117-page dispatch claims that the seriousness of the charges is such that an immediate expulsion of the fraternity from campus is recommended.

The IFC first heard about the possible hazing early Saturday afternoon, when they received an anonymous call from a flustered student hurriedly whispering phrases like, “Just tell them to let me go home”,  “Please… just… please…”, and “If I see another unsuccessful draw play up the middle I’ll puke all over myself.”

An investigation into the call and a number of other suspicious signs, including a smoke-signal SOS produced somewhere in the student section near the end of the third quarter, pointed to the legitimacy of the accusations. The IFC worked together with UKPD and a team of private investigators to collect evidence revealing which of the 19 fraternities on campus was responsible.

The team of investigators initially realized that something was amiss while interviewing members of Pi Delta Delta’s pledge class. Chief investigating officer James Garrison suggested that while pledges of other fraternities were in regular game-day condition, namely being “fucked-up out of their minds” those of Pi Delt were “visibly upset” and some even seemed to be “emotionally scarred.” The report suggests that less than five of them exhibited any interest in pictures of girls in yoga pants, and that more than 90 percent of the class showed a “significant aversion response” when presented with pictures of UK half-back Josh Clemons. One even had to be taken out of the interrogation room on a stretcher, as he began to hyperventilate and scream in terror after being reminded of the game.

The investigation concluded that the pledge class was required “to attend the game, sit in the student section, and actively watch the game, cheering or booing whenever necessary.”  A threat was made that all those who did not follow these instructions would be motioned for blackball the following meeting. To make matters worse, before the game, the pledges weren’t allowed to “consume any alcohol, smoke any weed, or engage in any other practices that could have made the game at least somewhat bearable to watch.”

Numerous other hazing charges among UK’s fraternities were also suggested, but none of them approached the seriousness of the football game incident. According to the report, pledges of several different fraternities, including Sigma Chi, Kappa Sig, ATO, and Pike, complained of harsh treatment by actives, with individual reports of ice-cold beer showers, hour-long bows-and-toes sessions in flooded basements, naked oil wrestling matches,  hand sanitizer chugging competitions, and even an elephant walk. However, none of these practices was deemed serious enough to deserve real punishment. According to IFC president Logan Johnson, while each of these hazing practices might have caused “slight fatigue,” “minor irritation,” or “an occasional case of embarrassment,” none of them caused the extent of mental or physical distress experienced by the Pi Delt pledges forced to watch the game.

UK President Eli Capilouto agreed with the report.

In a press conference held by the university earlier today concerning the allegations, he said, “Bows-and-toes? That’s one thing. I don’t know a single friend of mine who hasn’t been forced into that at some point in life. But making these pledges attend the entirety of a UK football game? Now that is legitimately fucked up.”

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