Misinformed Wildcat Completes Treacherous Journey to UK’s Campus

An emotionally and physically exhausted wildcat completed its journey to the University of Kentucky’s campus early last night. The wildcat, which escaped the Cincinnati Zoo a little over a week ago, has had to brave treacherous days spent hiding from authorities; long, sleepless nights spent running in the approximate direction of Lexington; and soul-crushingly beautiful dawns and dusks spent contemplating existential problems.

Reports from around Northern Kentucky surfaced recently indicating that a scraggly, tired, wild animal was sneaking up on unsuspecting gas station employees and asking them in which direction the University of Kentucky campus could be found. It would then vanish stealthily back into the dark of night. However, up until now, all of the reports were believed to have been manufactured by overworked imaginations and moderately expensive drugs.

Daniel Gabbard, a Speedway clerk in Bowling Green, the only individual to have had a longer conversation with the creature, didn’t think much of the wildcat. “It was a good cat,” Gabbard said. “It talked about how it longs to arrive somewhere it belongs, somewhere it can hunt wild deer with a few trusty companions. It made small-talk just like most others making their way through here. I gave it some beef jerky to eat on the go. It was a good kitty.”

The wildcat was seen coming into Lexington yesterday afternoon on Nicholasville Road. As it entered the city, bystanders spotted a single tear of unrestrained joy and deep relief flow down its muddy, hardened cheek. A little later, it reportedly crashed on the ground in a mix of elation and exasperation, gazing longingly at the beautiful Lexington skyline.

The wildcat was last seen walking down Euclid Avenue looking slightly confused.

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