Misinformed Wildcat Completes Treacherous Journey to UK’s Campus

An emotionally and physically exhausted wildcat completed its journey to the University of Kentucky’s campus early last night. The wildcat, which escaped the Cincinnati Zoo a little over a week ago, has had to brave treacherous days spent hiding from authorities; long, sleepless nights spent running in the approximate direction of Lexington; and soul-crushingly beautiful… Read More Misinformed Wildcat Completes Treacherous Journey to UK’s Campus

William T. Young Socialization Lounge Bans Studying

In a widely expected move earlier today, the University of Kentucky William T. Young Socialization Lounge banned studying. The ban comes just months after lobbying and multiple debates between regular UK students and total nerds. William T. Young, affectionately known as Willy T, is a behemoth five-story social lounge and hangout spot located on central… Read More William T. Young Socialization Lounge Bans Studying

Sophomore Has To Write Three and a Half More Pages of Some Bullshit Paper

Sophomore Jordan Yeats is three and a half pages away from completing some bullshit essay for his stupid-ass English class. The paper, which was assigned on the first damn day of class, will reportedly count for 10 percent of the total fucking grade. Yeats plans to study some other useless shit and rage upon the… Read More Sophomore Has To Write Three and a Half More Pages of Some Bullshit Paper

Haggin Residents Protest Demolition Plans

Haggin residents gathered in the Haggin courtyard yesterday to protest news of the residence hall’s demolition scheduled for next year. On-scene reporters confirmed that hundreds of angry, bewildered freshmen showed up to defend their beloved home. Haggin Hall, also known around campus as Shaggin’ Hall, Heaven Hall, and the Dick Dungeon, has been a staple… Read More Haggin Residents Protest Demolition Plans