LEXINGTON—Eruelius Penn. Marrtin, a unemployed resident of Lexington, crumbled yesterday under the weight of his multiple twitter accounts. Marrtin announced that he downloaded and installed Anti-Social, a productivity software for his electronic devices that sets up a firewall blocking Twitter, Facebook, and other social media platforms. It was estimated that Marrtin spent 17 hours per day trying to create an organic dialogue between his multiple online identities.
“I kept having to log in to one account, tweet something profound, log out, log in to another account and tweet something profound, and then come up with something profound again,” said Marrtin. “By the time I release one profundity, I have a difficult time remembering which persona to access next before I log on to the next device.”
Marrtin is somewhat of a Renaissance man who has many interests. His proverbial irons are in many proverbial fires, so to speak. A prodigal son, Marrtin has a personal twitter account, an account for his venture capital endeavor LouisaNomics, a “weekender” handle, a handle for his dealings in the online World of Warcraft community, and a fake handle to antagonize his other online identities.
“I liked to have multiple phones to keep all of this straight, but maintaining two smart phones became too much of a chore. I have a Blackberry, and I have an Android,” said Marrtin. “For some reason, the LouisaNomics tweets just felt better when they were done from the Blackberry.”
Marrtin said he knew he had a problem when his wires got crossed.
“I started tweeting on the Warcraft account that the key to a top ten economy is top ten creative eyebrows,” said Marrtin. “I think I may have alienated myself, but this is all one huge mistake.”
Marrtin is not alone in the proliferation of social media confusion. According to a study by the Brookings Institute, 23.7 percent of Twitter users have more than one account that they operate on a regular basis. Often these schizophrenic tweeters create multiple realities for themselves because they are unsatisfied, or unable to find employment, in their current reality.
“I really feel bad for him,” said famous tweeter Kim Kardashian, who only has one Twitter account. “We need more central identities.”
Marrtin confessed that since he crumbled, he’s learned to manage his Twitter cravings by creating artistic works.
“When I first started, all I could do is draw things that reminded me of my Twitter feeds,” Marrtin said. “But since then, I’ve been jotting down Chinese proverbs, drawing birds (that don’t look like the Twitter logo), and exploring with landscapes.”