The “New Boss”: Springsteen Appointed Secretary of Commerce

WASHINGTON—In a last ditch effort to reform the United States Secretary of Commerce post, President Barack Obama has turned to an old staple from the New Jersey docks, rock icon Bruce Springsteen.

“I surveyed the landscape of commerce in the music industry, and I saw one figure who refuses to sit idly by and let his fans get swindled by opportunistic money mongers. The Boss is our new man,” Obama said.

Springsteen said that he would not allow his political duties or public service responsibilities to interfere with his rigorous touring schedule.

“The Obama administration is planning to usher in our glory days, and we should not let them pass us by,” Springsteen said, backstage before a show in Weehawken. “Glory days,” Springsteen added.

The Boss attracted Obama’s attention after he refused to compromise with Ticketmaster, which planned to sell tickets to his East Rutherford, NJ homecoming at an exorbitant price. Springsteen was vocal about Ticketmaster’s scam.

“I’m not very happy about it,” the New Jersey legend said.

Longtime Springsteen fans were elated to hear that The Boss had thrown his hat into the ring.

“My hat’s in the ring. The fight is on, and I’m stripped to the buff,” Springsteen said.

The Obama Administration projected that Springsteen would serve at least two terms, with a sixth month sabbatical interspersed, so the legend could promote his E Street Radio channel on Sirius Satellite Radio.

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