Jim Bunning Gesticulates

LEXINGTON—Congressional representatives from states across the country expressed their alarm after Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning (R) made public his disdain for poor citizens living in the Commonwealth he represents. “When the rubber meets the road, I only care about the underprivileged, especially those outside of Lexington and Louisville, about this much,” Bunning said on Tuesday. Bunning was… Read More Jim Bunning Gesticulates

“We Never Saw it Coming” Stock Market Losses Drain Endowments

LEXINGTON—Lexington Theological Seminary announced that substantial losses on its stock market investments have decimated its $16 million endowment and may force the institution to change directions. This news comes amidst one of the worst financial meltdowns the United States has ever experienced, at least in the last 15 years. “We never saw it coming,” LTS President… Read More “We Never Saw it Coming” Stock Market Losses Drain Endowments

The “New Boss”: Springsteen Appointed Secretary of Commerce

WASHINGTON—In a last ditch effort to reform the United States Secretary of Commerce post, President Barack Obama has turned to an old staple from the New Jersey docks, rock icon Bruce Springsteen. “I surveyed the landscape of commerce in the music industry, and I saw one figure who refuses to sit idly by and let his fans… Read More The “New Boss”: Springsteen Appointed Secretary of Commerce